from the teething trenches...

yes, we're still alive over here.

4 weeks since my last post...lets see to sum it up:

lost job

found job

cat sitting flop

new cat showed up the same day (sanura)

felted owl still in progress

snapped exhaust system

fixed exhaust system 200$ later

nervous breakdown

broken mama

homesick mama

fixed mama

nettles infusions

food stamps on the 3rd

stocked fridge

happier banyan

two new bottom teeth

organic frozen mango'd gums

whiny malaya bean

petting Sanura

rainy morning

quiet house

loud house

learning how the opposites create completion

photos to come soon.....

Independence day....

Today I ate more than a spoonful of sinfully delicious Cocoanut Milk icecream....see normally I would only eat a spoonful of such a thing...I"m what you could call a saint when it comes to snacks...even my most decadent of treats is "healthy" It annoying to most people to see a woman with such control over her "sins".

Why the mention of this you ask?

because today I celebrated my independence from a compulsive martyrdom aspect of my personality. I'm getting a little tired of hearing how "condescending" I can be... So I figure if I give into my own version of what my good friend Veronica calls "hells kitchen". Perhaps it could help me to lighten up a bit more and not come across as such an annoying saint? (those who know me really well, know that I'm NOT a saint, I just like the light better than the dark ;)  

so many different aspects to personality to work with aren't there?

While I'm not so into the "red white and blue" part of independence day. I AM into the spirit of Independence Day.  I'm all about independence!!!! :) (I named my daughter the phillipino word for freedom) Freedom is such an important concept to work with. Are YOU FREE?

See slavery comes in many forms;

compulsion...anxiety....consumption....addiction....obsessions....guilt....resentment...anger....FEAR

So when you look at the roots, the deepest darkest ugliest roots, you have to ask...are you in bondage? if so...what would it take to liberate you?

We celebrated independence weekend in this house by conquering some of our fears...

For Jacob, it was choosing to quit using nicotine (2 days!!! I'm so happy!!!!)

For Malaya, it was arching her back wildly in several attempts to roll herself over, soon soon.

For Banyan, it was learning how to swim!!! (just tonight, he took the plunge and realized he didn't need our help anymore!)

For Me it was going out for a LONG walk in the middle of the afternoon heat to sweat out some of my inner laziness and reacquaint with my inner warrior.

I'm so happy that our little family is moving out of some of our darkness and into a place of liberation. True independence is freedom. As much as I hate that saying "freedom is not free" it rings true....always there is something which must be given up in order to become free.

weekends

riding mamas leg horse

the sweetest little elf in town (we love the hat our friend holly made us)

3 yr old boy :)

and his best friend mr cicada

good morning photo sessions

happy fathers....um, where's the car? day

Ahh....Sunday morning...Father's Day!!!

We're not typically the type of family that rises and SHINES...we're more the family that SLOOOWWW  LY gets up and out the door on a Sunday morning. but this past weekend....NOPE.

We were up, had breakfast cooked, papa bears' feet massaged, all showered, diaper bag ready, Banyan geared up into his beach wear and out the door by 9am!!! A marvelous accomplishment if I do say so myself. :)

"where are my keys?" jacob asks...

sigh..."i don't know jacob, what did you do with them?" I ask...

"i don't know?...I thought I left them on the counter?"

"are here????? are there??? 

"nope"

are they in the car??"

"maybe, I"ll go check."

UH...JAMIE??? 

yeah jacob?

WHERE IS THE CAR?

huh?

WHERE IS THE CAR!!!!?????

Ah...it should be in the driveway...I replied with a nervous smile...

We walk outside, family all ready to go the beach and...

NO CAR OUTSIDE IN THE DRIVEWAY????

Is someone trying to play a prank on us I wonder...

guess not?

so we call the police...

WHERE'S MY CAR MAMA?

WHERE'S MY CARSEAT MAMA?

WHERE'S MY ANIMALS MAMA?

We don't know Banyan?

The police woman comes, takes down the information...

We sit perplexed for about 1hr...the phone rings..

IS THIS MS. LEVESQUE? 

YES...

WE FOUND YOUR CAR..its at.......you can come pick it up.

So...we had our very concerned neighbor give me a ride down to Central Ave where our sad little car needed to be picked up. They fingerprinted it...filled out a report and gave it back to us with a few less items than we left it with. NO carseats...No IPOD adapter, and a broken CD.

oh...but they left us a few "gifts"

a semen filled baby blanket...a little nugget of cocaine, and a horrible CD of hip hop music  all of which we disposed of.

We then happily drove our car to get cleaned up and have the carseats replaced.

:(  300$ later....

So we're not sure exactly how they got the keys, whether we left them in the car or not....

but our car had itself a little ghetto adventure, and I don't feel quite the same driving it.

I also don't feel the same about living in our "quiet little community" anymore.

Someone out there has a key to our car...(and our house, so we changed the locks) but at  night, we have to unplug the battery to the car incase they try to steal it again, it won't start for them.

Needless to say, we feel blessed to have our little blue car back!!!

and it will be a father's day we won't soon forget!

no more people pleasing...

we really are a people pleasing culture aren't we?

today i realized that my job as a mama is not to make my kids happy. ITS IMPOSSIBLE to do all the time, so its best to surrender and simply be myself. my job is to be present, grounded within myself and guide my children through their 'moments' and do my best to not take their frustrations at the world, or me personally. Being happy is something that THEY need to work on themselves, just as much as it something I need to work on for MYSELF.

I wish it didn't take me 3 yrs of being a mama to realize this.  

Using words like, "you're making me angry" NOT TRUE...truth is "i'm feeling angry"

interesting shift.

i'm not so into people pleasing these days. when my kids are yelling at me..."yeah, I see you're upset" with a ho hum additude seems much more effective than trying to get them to "calm down" or "be happy"

silent sunday

the hair

the teeth?

the sync

the brother

the sign